Holding Your Ground and Tips for Advocating for Your Child's Medical Care
You were asked to bring your child to the appointment, and you showed up prepared. You brought the lab results, the symptom timeline, the questions, maybe even the research articles. You knew something wasn't quite right.
Then the specialist looked at your carefully organized binder and said, "I think you're overthinking this. Let's just wait and see."
Suddenly, you're not feeling like a parent who has spent months observing and documenting your child's symptoms. You're sitting in an exam room second-guessing yourself.
This happens more often than many families realize. Parents of children with chronic conditions, complex presentations, or ongoing unexplained symptoms can find themselves in a difficult space: they see patterns in their child's day-to-day experience that may not be immediately apparent or easily diagnosed in a clinical setting.
Sometimes that disconnect can feel like dismissal. Sometimes it looks like assumptions about parental anxiety. Sometimes it comes from a focus on whether laboratory values fall within a specific reference range. And sometimes, it's simply the reality that a provider is trying to make decisions based on limited information during a short appointment.
What we have learned as a nurse, a nurse practitioner, and parents of medically complex children is that disagreement or lack of a plan with a medical provider doesn't mean you should stop seeking care or stop advocating.
It may mean it's time to regroup, clarify the concern, and figure out what comes next.
The Reality of Disagreement
First, let's be clear: a disagreement with a medical provider doesn't automatically mean the provider is wrong, and it doesn't automatically mean you are correct either.
Medicine is a practice. It combines research, clinical experience, evidence based guidelines, judgment, and—importantly—individual patients who don't always fit neatly into a textbook.
Two informed people can look at the same clinical picture and reach different conclusions about what matters, what is most likely happening, and what should happen next.
At the same time, your observations of your child's lived experience also matter.
When your teenager says, "My brain feels foggy," and you are seeing changes in how she learns or functions at home, that's information her medical team should know—even if her cognitive testing is “within normal limits”.
When your five-year-old has persistent abdominal pain that wakes him at night, and you've been documenting when it happens, how long it lasts, and what seems to make it better or worse, that information can help inform the clinical picture.
The gap isn't that parents know more about medicine than providers, but rather that we do know our children’s baseline and what is and is not “normal” for them.
The difference is that parents often have longitudinal, day-to-day information that a 15-minute appointment cannot always easily capture.
Your observations also are not a replacement for clinical expertise. They're another piece of the puzzle.
When Pushback Feels Like Dismissal
Sometimes, resistance genuinely can feel dismissive…especially as a concerned parent.
It can look like a provider who consistently won't listen to concerns, repeatedly attributes symptoms to stress without adequately exploring other possibilities, or refuses to acknowledge the impact symptoms are having on your child's life.
Not every provider is the right fit for every child and family.
A strong healthcare relationship requires collaboration between the provider, the child, and the family. That collaborative relationship is sometimes overlooked when the focus becomes solely on whether the provider and parent agree.
But pushback does not always equal dismissal. Keep an open mind…Sometimes it's:
A provider who needs more time or information to understand your child's pattern
A specialist working from a narrower clinical perspective
Genuine clinical uncertainty
A difference in how risk and benefit are being weighed
System-level barriers—for example, a provider may want to pursue additional testing, but insurance may not cover it
Instead of immediately thinking, "Why won't they listen to me?" it can help to ask, “Why are we seeing this differently?" Or “where is the disconnect between my concerns and the provider's plan?”
Understanding the reason for the disagreement can help you decide what to do next.
Strategy 1: Document and Clarify
Before your next conversation, become clear on what you're actually asking for.
Are you asking for:
A diagnosis?
Additional testing?
A different treatment approach?
A referral?
Help managing a specific symptom?
A clearer plan for what happens next?
Reassurance and monitoring while you wait?
These are different requests and may require different approaches.
For example, a provider may not recommend an expensive genetic test based on the information currently available, but they may be willing to refer your child to a specialist who can evaluate whether additional testing is appropriate.
Then document your specific observations.
Instead of:
"He's always sick."
Try:
"Over the past eight weeks, he has had four episodes of abdominal pain lasting two to four hours. They have occurred approximately one hour after eating dairy products and have resulted in missed school two to three times per month."
Bring the timeline.
Bring the symptom log.
Bring relevant lab results.
Bring the pattern.
Specific information gives your healthcare team something concrete to evaluate.
Strategy 2: Ask for the Reasoning
Try saying:
"I know you see him during brief visits, while I see him every day. I'm genuinely concerned about [specific observation]. Can you help me understand what's leading you to see this differently?"
This isn't confrontational. It's collaborative.
You're acknowledging the provider's training and expertise while asking them to explain their clinical reasoning behind their decision or plan. And sometimes, that explanation can give you information you didn't have before.
Maybe the provider believes the symptom is likely to resolve on its own. Maybe they don't see enough evidence yet to justify additional testing. Maybe they're concerned about the risks of pursuing an intervention before there is more information. Maybe there are certain risks versus benefits for a medication trial or treatment.
You may still disagree.
But now you understand why you disagree—and you can have a much more productive conversation about what happens next.
You can also ask:
"What would make you reconsider this?"
or
"What should we watch for, and when would you want us to follow up?"
Those questions can turn a disagreement into a plan.
Strategy 3: Consider a Second Opinion
If your child's needs and a provider's recommendations don't seem to align, seeking another opinion can be a reasonable next step.
A second opinion doesn't have to mean you believe the first provider is wrong. It can simply mean you want another perspective before making an important decision.
You might seek another provider within the same specialty, a different specialty, or care at another institution.
For example, a pediatric gastroenterologist may approach persistent abdominal symptoms differently than a primary care provider because of their specialized training and experience. You can also consider functional medicine providers who take a more holistic approach to symptom management.
The goal isn't to find the person who will tell you what you want to hear. The goal is to gather enough information and feel comfortable with an informed decision about your child's care.
And always remember to request copies of your child's medical records and make sure relevant information is available to the new provider. Having the full clinical picture can make a second opinion much more useful.
Strategy 4: Know When to Escalate
There is a difference between a provider disagreeing with you and a situation in which you no longer feel your child's care is safe.
If you believe important symptoms or red flags are repeatedly being dismissed, your child's concerns aren't being heard, or the relationship has broken down to the point that you cannot work together, it may be time to consider a change.
Escalation can mean:
Finding a different provider who may be a better fit
Clearly communicating your concerns to the new care team
Asking about a patient advocate or patient relations department within a healthcare system
Requesting clarification about the plan, follow-up, and warning signs that should prompt additional evaluation
Escalation isn't about proving someone wrong.
It's about making sure your child has a care team with whom you can communicate, ask questions, and work toward a plan.
What Pushback Has Taught Us
Some of the hardest advocacy moments we've experienced haven't been with providers who disagreed with us.
They've been with providers who wouldn't engage with our concerns.
The relationships that have worked best for our families have been with providers who could say:
"Here's what I'm seeing."
"Here's what concerns me."
"Here's what I don't know yet."
"Here's what I think we should do next."
Those conversations can be collaborative even when everyone doesn't completely agree.
Your job as a parent isn't to always be right. It's not to have all the answers.
Your job is to know your child, communicate what you're seeing, ask questions, seek understanding, and continue advocating for appropriate care when something doesn't feel right.
Sometimes that means trusting the medical team's plan. Sometimes it means asking more questions. Sometimes it means getting another opinion. And sometimes it means finding a different provider.
The goal is to make sure your child is seen, heard, and cared for.
You can respect and trust medical expertise while still trusting that your observations of your child also matter.
Both can be true.
Jessica Driscoll, MSN, RN, CDCES & Amanda Lewis, CPNP-PC, MSN, RN
Moms in Scrubs: www.momsinscrubs.com
Disclaimer: This content is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult with a qualified healthcare provider regarding your child's medical care and before making any health-related decisions.